사랑하는 당신과 밀애를 꿈꾸며

 

(기행문)

2017년 4월2일

사랑하는 당신과 밀회를 꿈꾸며

조 은 미

 

my darling God!

드디어 내일이네요

남프랑스 스페인 9박 10일 여행가는 날이!

그동안 당신과 좀 소원했었던게 너무 죄송스러워 이번엔 당신과 함께 밀애를 꿈꾸며 좀더 당신에게만 집중하고 당신과 저의 의미를 깊이 되새겨 보고 여태 느끼지 못했던 당신 모습을 진심으로 만나기 원해요.

당신과 만난지 몇십년이 지나다 보니 저도 모르게 메너리즘에 빠져 그냥 당신이 제게 울타리려니 든든한 마음은 있지만 친밀한

사랑이 퇴색해버린 것 같아 자주 다른데 정신을 빼앗겨 이곳저곳 한눈 팔기도 하고 때로 당신보다 더 재미있는 사람을 만나면 솔직히 당신이 안중에 없을 때도 있었어요.

그러나 잡고 보면 다 허무하기 짝이없고 왠지 마음이 공허해지네요.

구관이 명관이라고 당신하고 있을 때 만큼 평안하고 편안하지가 않더라구요..

그동안 정말 죄송했어요.

이번 여행에서 당신과의 첫사랑을 다시 회복하기 원해요.

여전히 빙긋이 웃으시기만 하시는 당신!

벌써 저를 다 용서하시는 그 너그러운 미소!

당신이 내미시는 손이 든든하고 따뜻하네요.

당신 손 꼭 잡고 다닐꺼예요.

다시 한번 당신의 귀에 대고 속삭이고 싶네요

사랑해요. 나의 하나님.

우리 내일을 기대하며 당신과 함께여서 행복하다고 서로 고백하기예요.

모든 걸 떠나서 아무도 모르는 곳에서 당신과 둘이서 동행할 생각을 하니 가슴이 부풀고 떨리네요

날씨 잘 부탁해요.

오고 가는 비행기도 당신하고 가니 안심이겠지요?

저 피곤해서 잘 못 따라다니면 어떻게요?

당신이 계시는데 별게 다 걱정이네요.

고만 일찍 자야겠네요.

낼 아침 눈 뜨면 내 옆에서 나를 내려다보는 당신의 사랑스러운 눈빛을 마주볼 수 있겠지요?

good night my darling God!!!

I love you.

 

 

 

Dreaming of a secret rendezvous with my dearest God

 

Written by : Eunmi Cho

 

My dearest God!

It at last falls tomorrow that I need to pack up for 8N9D trip down to Spain and southern part of France!

 

As I feel so guilty for having been distant from you the Almighty lately that decided to concentrate dreaming a secret rendezvous with exclusively with you my dearest God and revive the meaning of you the merciful God and me. And then I really want to discover your dearest appearance that I have never enlightened before.

As decades have passed since I first met you my dearest God, I happened to find myself that I have occasionally fallen into mannerism thanks to a simple belief that my dearest God will be always standing behind me as my eternal guardian. What is more, at times, I have become to wander around with a feeling of loneliness as if my attachment toward you my dearest God were faded. Sometimes, frankly speaking, you were beneath my notice especially when I encountered more amusing person than you.

However, at the end, everything has left a vacuum in my heart.

As it has been said “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know”, I have realized that it wasn’t comfortable than that I was with you.

I feel terribly sorry for I have been.

Let me look forward to recovering our first love during the planned trip.

My dearest God who will still grin at me!

Your generous smile showing as though you have already forgiven me!

I feel your hand reached me is warm and confident

I promise to go with you holding your hand ever tightly.

I really want to whisper in your ear again.

My dearest God, I love you

Expecting brighter future I’d like to confess that I will be eternally happy and blessed within you.

Setting aside all, I am so excited to imagine that you and I will get along together at a place nobody knows.

I am sure you my dearest God will guarantee a fine weather.

My flying back and forth will be safe as you will be sitting beside me during the entire trip.

What shall I do if I would hardly follow you due to fatigue?

I won’t worry anymore because you will be with me, though.

Well, I have to catch up my sleep.

Let me look forward to meeting you who will look at me with the glitter of your lovely eyes as soon as I wake up early tomorrow morning. Could I?

 

Good night my dearest God!!

I love you